Over the last month, I've been sick thrice -- with a cold, flu, and now pneumonia. It's been a pretty unproductive and bedridden month for me, however, I realize there are worse things in this world, and I'm going to be just fine soon enough. No big deal.
Still, I won't lie: it's sucked. And because I am a human being who yearns to be understood, I created this list of things I have felt like in the last month to help illustrate how ineffective this whole process has made me feel. Enjoy!
Things I've felt like in the last month:
- A trash fire.
- A lifeless pile of mush.
- That one subway car that's empty during rush hour for smell-related reasons.
- An olympic runner at the beginning of a race, all prepped and ready to go, but when the starter gun goes off, she just sits down, pulls out a laptop, and watches House Hunters on the track for a month straight.
- The Creature From The Black Lagoon at a baby shower.
- A snorkeler who gets a surprise splash of water in her snorkel and then just wants to get back in the boat.
- A penny. (i.e. useless)
- Snow Dogs 2. (i.e. not great)
- The boy who cried "wolf!" and then cried "flu! and then cried "pneumonia." And then just cried.
- A bedbug.
- A bagpipe full of cottage cheese.
- A bra that has lost all elasticity and can't be of any support.
- A to-go box full of pad thai that gets left at the restaurant.
- A genie in a bottle whose heart is saying "let's go" but whose body is saying "no."
- The opposite of this:
- As unwanted as this pizza:
- As fun to be around as this:
- Each day as eventful as this:
- This, too:
- Basically, this: